20 questions to ask your mom on Mother's Day

This recorded conversation with my mom is one of my most treasured posessions.

The last two years have been the most difficult of my life as I watched both of my parents fall to dementia simultaneously. In mere months they went from being “Mom and Dad” to instead becoming two unrecognizable strangers unable to manage even their most basic of needs. I wouldn’t wish this experience on my worst enemy.

Cognitive decline is a natural part of the aging process, but more often than not when it happens to one partner, the other is there to bear much of the burden and allow their partner to live out their remaining years with the dignity they deserve. In this case, however, neither of my parents were in a position to care for the other, so my siblings and I had to pause our entire lives to manage their estate and transition them from total independence to instead living in a memory care facility (against their wishes in their current state, but very much in alignment with the wishes they shared when they were still able to make decisions for themselves).

As of writing this my father has since passed, and my mother is still living…but she’s no longer my mother. She may have the same tone of voice, and she tells the same stories (her long term memory is sharp as ever), but she no longer lives in reality. She can no longer take care of herself. She’s unaware that her lifelong love of 45 years has passed. She still thinks she’s only been in a memory care facility for a few weeks (it’s been a year and a half) and she’s going home on Friday to be with her cats. And we no longer have the in-depth conversations about life we used to have every Sunday afternoon.

Knowing I will never have another Sunday conversation with my mom about life, about politics, about my kids, and about how proud she is of me kills me every single day. And while I miss those conversations terribly, I’m so thankful I captured one of them so that every time I lament her decline I have one of those conversations to listen to and remind me what it was like chatting with Mom.

Many years ago I stumbled upon an exercise from bestselling author and motivational speaker Brendon Burchard with a list of 20 questions to ask your parents (including bonus questions to ask your siblings). I wish I could say I immediately got right on this…but to be honest, I procrastinated for WAY too long. Eventually, however, I overcame my default setting to procrastinate on everything important so I could instead keep myself “busy” and I got this conversation in the can.

The following conversation with my mom—in 2 parts—is one of my most treasured possessions (the other being a similar conversation with my Dad). Below I’ve provided the 20 questions we discussed.

20 questions I asked my mom on Mother’s Day (part 1)

20 questions I asked my mom on Mother’s Day (part 2)

If you’re still fortunate enough to have your Mom, I can’t emphasize enough how important it is to make the time to have this conversation and record it.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the mom’s out there who make the world go round.

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20 questions to ask your Mom on Mother’s Day

YOUR BACKGROUND

• When were you born, where, and what memories come to mind when you think about growing up as a young child?

• What are the most formative memories or experiences you had as a child or teenager that led you to the person you have become today?

• What is the most important lesson you learned from your mom?

• What is the most important lesson you learned from your dad?

• If your parents were still alive today and could talk to my kids (their great-grandchildren), what would they want to share with them?

YOUR CAREER

• What path did you begin on in life when you first became an adult and why?

• What career path (or paths) have you followed since then and why?

• What do (did) you love the most about your career?

• What makes you successful at what you do?

• What do you believe about yourself that has helped you endure difficult times, and what is the most difficult experience you remember teaching you this lesson?

YOUR FAMILY

• How did you meet your spouse, when, and how did you know they were the one?

• Were you scared to become a parent?

• What is your proudest memory of being a parent?

• What three words would best describe your approach to being a parent?

• In regards to both their careers and life choices, what is the most important thing my children should focus on?

YOUR LIFE

• What three words would you say best describe who you tried to be in life and how you want to be remembered?

• What were the three best decisions you’ve ever made?

• What are you most proud of in life?

• What message do you have for your spouse that you want her/him to always keep in mind about you and your relationship together?

• What are you most thankful for?